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November 18th, 2009
04:15 am - Insomniac
I cannot sleep for more than 3-5 hours a night.
I want to smash something.
SO FRUSTRATED.
And I have to do all kinds of overtime, but by the time 2:30 PM rolls around I am so fucking tired I can barely see straight.
I could cry right now. Seriously.
I almost WANT to get sick so I will HAVE to stay home and maybe, just maybe, get some rest.
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November 15th, 2009
03:40 pm - Lucy in the skyyyyyy with diamonds.
Hokay, so, here's Stephanie room, she's chillin'. That is a pretty great room you might say, RIIIIIIIGHT.
I love my room. The wallpaper. The white walls. The details on the doors. The arrangement of furniture. It's fantastic, as I've said a hundred times at this point.
I will take photos one of these days. When I locate my camera. It's in here somewhere.
The snow has arrived. Not very excited. According to the 10 forecast it's going to be a wet, possibly snowy next couple of weeks. Massive boo to that.
I'm taking one of my office mates to the airport on Wednesday after work so she can fly down to Boise and see her husband graduate Post. He's a jail deputy, I guess. I can never remember what the official title is. Once he passes Post he signs his three year contract with the county. I'm pretty sure she is very pleased and proud of him. She is very big on stability. She has known little else. This isn't a bad thing! I'm just saying. She's that kind of person. She had to talk him into even applying for the job, and it was a very long wait, but so far so good, and he appears to like it quite a lot. Also his aptitude for computers is proving beneficial and could help him move up quickly should an opportunity arise. As odd as this sounds, I am actually excited for them.
They want to start having kids soon as well. By soon, I mean immediately. She will be a good mom, though perhaps the kind who is a little irritating from time to time in regard to grades and extra curricular activities.
I've been wondering what it might mean if she gets pregnant within the year (2010) and then quits...who might move into the office with me and office mate #2? I would hope Maria. She is lovely, doesn't smoke and is quiet. She's very sincere and sweet. She was the only one among those laid off last year that was asked back. But Office Mate #2 is a bit odd..it's kind of hard to become a part of her 'inner circle'...I feel...almost like I somehow talked/manipulated my way in. I don't know how to explain it. But..I am pretty good at keying off people and connecting, garnering their trust. It almost feels evil sometimes. Please don't judge me. It's not like I LIE. And it's not like we aren't legitimate friends. I just..I don't know. It is sounding twisted, so I am going to stop.
I should've studied psychology. BUT THEN MAYBE IT WOULD BE WORSE.
People are just so fascinating! The more quiet/reserved the individual, the harder I work to get to know them.
I also love the Luann's of this world who are just like...here is every last detail about my life whether you wanted it or not! They are great too!
Yep. I'm a weirdo.
Better set up shop as a listener. Apparently there is a company offering this service in the Midwest or East, I can't remember.
Soooo....anyway.
Deadline is approaching. Might not make it, but I hope to see to it that we do. I do NOT want to be responsible for not making the deadline! I don't want someone else's poor delegation/management skills reflecting negatively on me, so I shall endeavor to overcome the current setback. Said setback being a batch of documents from 1870-1915. Delegated to me rather than being added to the considerably smaller batch assigned to Office Mate #1 (#2 being the project manager) and then split between the four of us on the team. Had that been done they would be fully indexed by now! Instead I still have over 500 to do. It will very likely take me all week, unless a certain person decides to man the fuck up and take on a little of the responsibility herself.
Yes. I am nearing EXPLODE mode.
I wish I could explain the whys behind the level of frustration and the slowness of completing them, but you'd really have to be in the thick of it to understand (at least the slow part).
Sigh.
Need to quit thinking about it.
Aside from work, there isn't a whole lot going on.
My thyroid is hopefully on its way to being regulated. I went to a women's clinic in Spokane and the receptionist, medical assistant and nurse all couldn't believe my previous doctor's behavior in regard to my blood results. She prescribed a low dose of the thyroid hormone, and I'll have another TSH/T3/T4/Metabolic panel done in 6-8 weeks to see if it needs to be adjusted further. She suspects it does. The ideal range for my body is between 0.75 and 2, I guess and mine is 5.53 at the moment. (The higher the number, once above 4, the less your thyroid is producing.) Again, if I am repeating myself, sorry!
Oooh, apparently there might be a way to get web access on my cell phone and Fair's by changing our phone plan. I love and hate when cell phone companies do this, but at least they make it easy to make changes. They want your money.
Not that it really matters if we have web access on our phones or not, but it'd still be nice.
WELL.
I guess I might go do something productive. Maybe.
...Maybe.
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October 25th, 2009
10:52 pm - Sounds significantly more self-loathing than intended.
Though completely tired, I cannot sleep at the moment. Pardon the negativity. Know I do not currently FEEL negative.
I lead a very mediocre life.
I connect the most with personal..lifey..things. (How intelligent do I sound right now? Guess it suits.) Meaning when it comes to politics...literature...art...theory of any kind...I'm pretty much fucking retarded.
Some might think I'm not giving myself enough credit. Perhaps this is true on some level. Mostly in that if I chose to educate myself more thoroughly in any given field, I could probably sit and yammer on just as intelligently as any other equally educated individual. I do possess the ability to think critically. I do not, however, possess the drive to get from here to there.
SO here I exist with very little to say.
Yes, I have opinions. Opinions most often formed by tuning in as best as I can to my intuition. This makes it difficult for me to argue any given stance I take. And THAT is part of why I tend to avoid many subjects of conversation. Though highly interested in others' opinions, I know a conversation can remain one-sided for only so long.
Unfortunately for me, the people I am most often drawn to are educated, interesting and genuinely intellectual. Said individuals most likely find me rather ignorant and dull.
Anyway.
Other:
-Work is fine. The deadline is quickly approaching. I have been doing an increasing amount of overtime. I will endeavor to really kick this into high gear over the next week.
-Sleeping has become difficult. Perhaps I am feeling stressed or overwhelmed. I am not sure.
-The weather is turning. I do not look forward to dealing with the snow.
-My health is strange. Far from sorted out.
-The house feels unsettled.
I suddenly feel extremely irritated by the fact that five in the morning is approaching at lightning speed. I got maybe ten hours of sleep this entire weekend.
Please Mr. Sandman, I'm on my hands and knees.
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October 7th, 2009
01:19 am - It is a trend.
I have nothing to say.
Eggs make me think of omelets..which make me think of Sewell's dining hall..which makes me think of 7 A.M. French class with Catherine freshman year.
Sometimes I wonder how my life would have gone if my family's circumstances that first year..and the two after..hadn't been so upside-down.
Then I realize it doesn't matter even a tiny bit, as you can't do a damn thing to change the past...so, why bother thinking about it to begin with.
My thyroid is under active. Shocker, shocker. I suspected this however many years ago.
My head hurts entirely too often lately.
I cannot sleep well. But this has been the case for how long now? I should stop feeling like it's something new. I SHOULD be used to it by now.
When I am in bed for hours awake but exhausted, I start to get angry and it makes me want to rip my pillows to shreds. Or find something big and glass to smash. Or you know, rip my hair out. SOMETHING. Instead I stay put and maybe whack my foot into the mattress really hard once.
I am in a pretty foul mood at the moment.
I need some fucking sleep.
I cannot WORK without some SLEEP.
So BODY. COULD YOU FUCKING WORK WITH ME FOR A FEW HOURS.
IS A FEW HOURS OF SLEEP SO MUCH TO ASK.
Oh, and for those who care, the latest eye 'specialist' doesn't know what is wrong with my eye.
Doctors sometimes, I swear to God, are completely useless. Give me my goddamn thirty dollars back.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.
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September 12th, 2009
08:13 am
Let's see...
And then I stare at the computer for several moments.
At the moment I am:
Hungry.
Sleepy.
Reluctant.
Trev and Tracy had their baby, awwww. He looks like..a little baby. All tiny and perfect. :) I can't wait to see him when he really starts looking like his own little person.
I can't explain why I think newborns are so perfect. It must be because they sleep constantly. Also their itty-bitty fingers.
And then the movie Juno crosses my mind.
Anyway, yay for you both :) Trevor, being a dad suits you. Also good job to you guys for finally agreeing on a name, hehe.
So.....
I'm possibly going shopping with Luann later this morning to help her choose an outfit for some wedding she's attending this afternoon with her boyfriend. Not too sure what the plan is at the moment. I love that she's as last-minute as I am. Aaaand we are not going! Yay! Not that I wouldn't want to, but oooog. I don't feel like it right this second.
This evening, however, I am likely going out with Becca and a couple of her friends. I am guessing that means Kelsey and possibly someone else, who knows who.
I AM THE ROCK PAPER SCISSORS CHAMPION.
So you know that Twitter thing? What's the big deal about it? Why do people like it so much? How does anyone have the time to mess with it, and to mess with it so repeatedly throughout the day?
I've decided ONE social networking tool is difficult enough to 'stay on top of.' ('Social networking too.' I just rolled my eyes at myself.)
So on the work front...I need to start kicking my own ass for the next few months until we wrap up this county. Hopefully everyone will understand and will leave me be to work on the weekends and late most days of the week. In some ways, I really just need to be left alone in regard to work. Not get crap for working entirely too many hours.
I've been really slow lately, for whatever reason. I'm not sure if it's because I'm not getting sleep, mostly due to feeling stressed about any given thing (for whatever reason), or if it's the result of something else.
The living room redecorating is coming right along.
Our highly anticipated sofa finally made it Thursday morning. With a little help from ShBecca's younger (and huge, 6'7") brother and one of his buddies (not so huge, maybe 5'9") we got it from the U-Haul in the driveway down the stairs and into the living room completely unscathed. They wouldn't accept the cash I desperately tried to give them. I won't lie that I'm happy to hang on to the sixty bucks, but I kinda feel guilty. I'll have to get them gift cards or something. I'd offer babysitting (her brother just had a baby girl a couple months ago), but I really..just..don't do babies. I don't know what to do with them. I don't know how to hold them. I don't know how to make them stop crying. And lord help me if one was in my care and something dramatic and life threatening happened.
Anyway. Back to the sofa. It looks AWESOME. It is beautiful. Catherine, I think you would LUUUUHHHHUHOOOOOOOOOOOVE it. (Watch, you'll think it's hideous, ha.) I'll post photos when all is complete.
Farah's amazing eye for colour picked the perfect shade for the curtains.
The colours of dupioni silk we selected look amazing and gorgeous with the rich magenta walls, dark trim and gold accents (sofa included).
The wallpaper is up in my bedroom, my bed is back in place and there is only (a lot) of detail work to be done. The paper looks AMAZING. I love it. I was falling all over myself with happiness when I came home.
It's nice to see everything coming together exactly the way we pictured it.
The only pisser is that we've spent DOUBLE the amount on paint than anticipated. I would not recommend using a sprayer unless you're in an empty room with little to plastic. The extra cost of tape and plastic...I don't even want to think about it. Home Depot should've given us a discount on all of that tape. We must've gone through 20 rolls of tape, if not more. At $6.50-$7.50 apiece? Ouch. We also used three boxes of plastic, so there was another $75. Just..yeah. Yowza.
This is why I need to kick my own ass at work over the next few months, by the way. To pay for everything we're doing down here. Also Christmas.
Ummmmm....I forget what I was going to say.
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July 26th, 2009
03:40 pm - Downstairs Re-Do.
SO. For those of you who are interested, this is what we're doing to the lower level.
-We've chosen a rich jewel toned palette with gold accents. The living room to be pink. The exercise room teal.
-We will be painting all trim a very dark espresso. This includes all cabinets and doors. Also the pool table base (it is currently oak vaneer).
-Our new sofa has a decidedly Art Deco feel to it. It is done in a butterscotch-gold stripe and floral medallion fabric (two separate fabrics). It will look super rich with our chosen palette. The fabric is tone on tone, the thin stripes and the print being shiny (in contrast to the flat background). Catherine, I think you'll love our sofa. It won't arrive for another three weeks, likely.
-We moved this small liquor cabinet we had back to Fair's office and got an all glass bar. It is awesome.
-We will be ditching end tables in favor of floor lamps and a coffee table (end tables are a pain in the ass given the configuration of our living room). This is our coffee table. We will be painting the base gold and are possibly getting a piece of pink glass for the top.
-Some sheer gold silk curtains for the windows.
-To go with our all glass table we got these two cute chairs that we'll be painting gold as well and recovering the seat in either a pink or purple dupioni silk.
-Nothing is really in store for the exercise room except a paint job and a change in artwork.
My room will be very different. While the living room and exercise rooms will flow very nicely back into Fair's end of the world, mine will remain a very different little..realm.
-While I will be carrying the espresso trim through my room, on the doors and windowsills I will be doing something a little different. Provided it works out the way I am imagining it will. It will be a very black and white affair.
-The wall my bed is against will have wide black and white stripe wallpaper. Not generally a fan of wallpaper, but more for heavily textured walls, I find myself forever in love with this particular style. I do not see myself tiring of it. I have a neat piece of graphic art to hang above my bed. In bright red and purpleish-pink it should make for a striking contrast against the black and white.
-All other walls will be painted a slightly more vibrant shade of white than is on the wallpaper. Not so different it will be easily noticeable (don't worry!).
-I will be creating a sliding room divider, provided it's not too expensive. We will use pocket door tracts and wood slabs...kind of hard to explain, but I will take photos if this ends up happening..which I am REALLY hoping it does. This will serve two purposes: 1) Section off the office/cluttered area of my room and 2) Block the crazy daylight that shines through my windows and prevents me from sleeping past five in the morning on the weekends.
-My bathroom will be painted entirely white. Trim, cabinets, walls. I am going to affix mirrors to the cabinet door insets.
In my room I am going for a very bright, simple, and modern look and feel.
It is all very exciting, but quite the project. Thank god Fair is handling 99% of the work. I certainly don't have it in me after work to do much of anything at all. I come home and get in bed.
SO. There you have it.
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July 25th, 2009
08:27 pm - This, Is. What. You. Get. For. Fucking. Around. Yakuzas!
I just made Fair watch Kill Bill Vol. 1 with me. She seemed entertained enough. I'm pretty sure she thought it was a bit ridiculous and cartoony, but..she said she'd watch the second one, so that's good!
I am..I don't even know.
I feel terribly odd at the moment and I think I best just email Danny even though he might not get to read it just yet.
Catherine, you wanted details and I just don't really have any! Life is pretty lifey at the moment. Just working and wanting the living room to be complete. Our deadline at work for this county is possibly being pushed up by a month, maybe more. That means overtime is pretty much mandatory. They won't come out and say it, but it's certainly implied by the numbers we'll each need to be producing daily. I think last week was a 46 hour work week..I won't be surprised if it goes up to 50, especially come October. Oh well. It amounts to a pretty nice paycheck, I guess. I'm a good little worker bee when needed. I secretly love it (usually...). Anyone who knows me knows this.
Anyway.
We successfully sold all of our old furniture save the chaise lounge. We're just unwilling to accept anything under $400 for it, and so far people aren't in the market for such a thing. I'm thinking perhaps ebay would be a better route than craigslist.
Oh pizza time.
Also movie time.
..Yeah.
PS This is all trivial and, in general, really fucking stupid. So. Yeah.
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July 9th, 2009
04:32 am - Real quick.
If I ever get married: When my husband is gone for the majority of the day, or for several days in a row and I even so much as THINK to myself, "What am I going to do all day [without him]?!?!" SOMEBODY MOTHERFUCKING SLAP ME UPSIDE THE HEAD.
What is wrong with some of these women I know?!
WHERE'S THE SENSE OF INDEPENDENCE?!
It just kills me.
Note: If it was a simple, "hmm..me time..what shall I do?" kind of thought, that would be one thing. I'm talking, "I'm lost without you..for even just two seconds. If we had side by side toilets so you could take a shit with me, life would be perfect."
Current Location: Bed.
Current Mood: Baffled
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June 6th, 2009
10:53 pm - In Bullet Form
- Got a pair of cheapo laptops for Fair and I to use in the living room/bedrooms/etc. I am enjoying mine immensely, even if it isn't the MacBook Pro I long for.
- Fair and I are redoing the living room. Finding decent floor lamps that are under $200 and aren't fucking ugly is proving to be frustrating as hell, and I'm not even the one doing the actual searching. We are getting a custom made sofa. Selecting our fabric is also proving irritating. We are certainly getting an education on upholstery and custom furniture. We are among the first guinea pigs for out-of-state orders for Build A Sofa in San Fran.
- Work is going reasonably well. Tifanie, ShBecca and I are working on Payette county (Idaho). My speed on Friday was borderline abhorrent but in my defense I started the day with a 15 page legal to puzzle out that wound up taking two hours. Also, I was in a Bonds and Agreements book. B&A books are almost as obnoxious as Probate and Miscellaneous books. Probates are very irritating. JUST SO YOU KNOW. I think I'll work on a Lis Pendens book Monday. Or finish the deed book I started Friday. The deed book with really shitty images. SIGH. It's all good though. I'm loving this opportunity. Plus, as full of shit as he tends to be, I love being called part of his A Team. I have such an ego. Someone knock me down a peg. Or four.
- Got a haircut finally. Not too terribly pleased with it. Would like some more texturing done to the ends and another layer or two added. Need to find a natural bristle wood core round brush or two.
- Rearranged my room. Will one day get around to painting it a bright white and wallpapering the inset wall with that ohsoclassicandfantastic black and white stripe wall paper. Said inset wall will be the backdrop for my bed. This awesome high gloss 60" x 16" piece of mod-abstract art will be my headboard. It is called "Luscious Eyes." There will be touches of bright reds/pinks/purples in my room. Mostly red, as I'm sure won't surprise most of you. You simply cannot go wrong with black, white and red. Call it uninspired if you must. I'll forever be true to the combination. ---We also stacked my dressers. Let me tell you...it was a borderline gong show. hehe, Though not as much so as when we moved my bed frame.
- Catherine...we are selling the LoveSac. It almost feels like the end of an era, or something. Oooh the canoodling and chocolate milk that thing has seen..haha. Probably more canoodling than I even care to think about! I can still see the chocolate milk flying through the air in slow motion. Aww. Too bad Bekah missed that moment. hehe..and of course now I am thinking about the Spice Girls incident.
- We went to Red Robin for lunch today. As I stood up to leave I got the most heinous charlie horse in my left hamstring. The Powers That Be must not have approved of my poor food choices.
- I'll be twenty-six in about two months. Huh.
- 95% of my co-workers are intense bible thumpers. It makes me feel like some sort of heathen. ...I just can't get behind organized religion. I JUST CAN'T.
- One of these days I'd just LOVE to hear ShBecca say fuck. I want to hear her YELL it. SCREAM it. It will be jaw-dropping, hilarious, scary and awesome all at once. The woman needs to let go! Wear a plunging V-neck every once in awhile! Show a little leg! Feel the WIND in her HAIR. Want to pound someone into the ground! She needs to do these things and realize she will neither go to Hell nor be hated by all. Sigh. Can you tell I think she's a little stifled?
- I cannot stand feeling stifled, just for the record.
- So ready for bed.
Ayedios me ameegohs.
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April 18th, 2009
05:57 pm
I want a milkshake right now.
Very, very badly.
I'm being told to take some cough syrup.
I don't wanna!
Yep.
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March 29th, 2009
12:09 pm - I'm negative. So sue me.
So they gave me a set of keys and the alarm code and such.
Thankfully I didn't actually set the alarm off yesterday. I spent a solid five and a half hours there and managed to crank out 738 docs. Why 738? Because I already had 262 from the previous week, bringing my count to 1000. Anyway. A nice breezy way to make a couple hundred bucks. I'll be headed in soon to crank out some more. Hopefully at least 500, but we'll see. I'll be working all week, doing 100 every afternoon then 500 on the weekend.
I was hoping for my paycheck to be $1000 after taxes. State, Fed, Medicare and Social Security take 78%. Meaning I will need to complete another...610 documents. Maybe there will be a bonus this time, because I'm really not in the mood to be at work until 6 or 7 tonight.
I have a personal day to use before April 15th, so I'll be taking Monday the 13th off. Then since I already won't be able to work overtime the week of Memorial day I'll be taking that Friday off. Lonee was like, "didn't you mean the Friday before?" I assured her that no, I would much rather have two three day weekends in a row than one four day. Which the first won't really be a three day since I'll be putting in a lot of overtime, likely.
Why am I working so much OT? Because I am trying to get a little bit ahead. Plus it doesn't hurt to display my, albeit slightly greedy, work ethic.
Who'd have thought I am a really hard worker?
Mostly because I want to move up in the company so that I'm not just an entry level. Which, they have officially classified me as a senior indexer now, which is nice, and Jason said he'd be getting Becca and I involved in the next build (county). I am EXTREMELY EXCITED.
I'm the worst kind of nerd.
The kind that doesn't actually possess insane amounts of knowledge about anything and everything.
I wish I could be a brain like that.
Alas.
Oh man. This lady at Macy's the other day said, VERBATIM, "Or maybe you are just too self conscious about it." Half under her breath. I was returning a blazer because I couldn't find the right kind of top to go with it.
FIRST she says, with a TONE, "you could just go to Target and get a white crew neck tshirt!" And I said BUT THAT ISN'T THE LOOK I AM GOING FOR. So she fucking harasses me to try on some way too expensive tops, which I do, just to appease her (none of which fit correctly), and returned it anyway. It is then, as I signed the slips she said the previous thing to me. I was complaining about the length of the tops and they way I couldn't find one that didn't want to cling in some weird ugly way.
Here's the thing. I KNOW WHAT LOOKS GOOD ON ME AND WHAT I FEEL COMFORTABLE IN.
Anyway. I don't know how many of you have worked retail, but here is rule number one: You don't get bitchy with a customer unless absolutely provoked. I am almost NEVER bitchy to people in stores, when shopping or returning. I shouldn't be asked a litany of questions before making a return. I should only be asked, "is there anything wrong with it? Has it been worn?" Plain and simple.
If I'd been bitchy about something then suuure, get bitchy right back, see if I care, but when I am being nice and completely neutral...hhhhh.
Anyway. I didn't appreciate my personality being attacked in that way. Saying I am lacking confidence. WANTING TO LOOK NICE DOESN'T EQUAL SELF ESTEEM ISSUES.
I don't expect a single of you men reading this to understand why I am so irked. But I do suspect most of you women will, and would have been equally affronted.
Okay. I'm moving on now.
Off to work I go.
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March 21st, 2009
09:25 pm - I haven't been on LJ in about two months.
And I STILL have absolutely nothing to report.
Work is mostly fine. Accuracy reports are starting to chap my ass. I'm maintaining a 95% but just BARELY when freaking Angela continually selects documents from the LAST hour of work.
Frustrating.
Also frustrating that though given clearance to do overtime from home our satellite connection is about a third as fast (though you wouldn't know it while surfing/chatting/etc.) as cable connections.
So FUCK YOU Cable Companies of America for not having the foresight to install cable lines (or whatever the shittin' hell it is you use) in supposedly "remote" areas of otherwise flourishing cities.
TEN MILES.
ZERO BREAKS IN HOUSING.
And no mother fucking cable access.
Sorry. I am just aggravated.
Or just really bummed. I wanted so, so desperately to be able to do overtime from home. In my pajamas. In the middle of the night if I so chose.
Maybe I can get them to give me a set of keys so that I can go in the middle of the night if it strikes my fancy.
I hate bothering Becca to come unlock the building, and be forced to conjure up an estimated time of completion.
Huge sigh.
I'm generally discontent these days.
Too tired. Too overwhelmed. Too stupid.
Not emailing as much as I'd like. Not getting enough overtime done. Not keeping on top of bills very well. Not eating well. Not working out.
A general waste of space.
Muh.
Guh.
Snuh.
And then you don't hear from me for another two months.
See you. One day. Maybe.
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January 23rd, 2009
11:27 pm - On a positive note.
I love being in an office. It is so, so fantastic. My productivity has been restored to a more normal level for me. Being out in the middle was becoming difficult to cope with. Too many people talking and milling around.
I love Kate Nash. She's adorable.
Thursday night, everything’s fine, except you’ve got that look in your eye
When I’m tellin’ a story and you find it boring,
You’re thinking of something to say.
You’ll go along with it then drop it and humiliate me in front of our friends.
Then I’ll use that voice that you find annoyin’ and say something like,
“Yeah, intelligent input, darlin’. Why don’t you just have another beer then?”
Then you’ll call me a bitch
And everyone we’re with will be embarrassed
And I wont give a shit.
My fingertips are holding onto the cracks in our foundation,
And I know that I should let go,
But I can’t.
And every time we fight I know it’s not right.
Every time that you’re upset and I smile,
I know I should forget, but I can’t.
You said I must eat so many lemons
’Cause I am so bitter.
I said “I’d rather be with your friends mate,
’Cause they are much fitter.”
Yes, it was childish and you got aggressive,
And I must admit that I was a bit scared,
But it gives me thrills to wind you up.
My fingertips are holding onto the cracks in our foundation,
And I know that I should let go,
But I can’t.
And every time we fight I know it’s not right.
Every time that you’re upset and I smile,
I know I should forget, but I can’t.
Your face is pasty ’cause you’ve gone and got so wasted, what a suprise.
Don’t want to look at your face ’cause it’s makin’ me sick.
You’ve gone and got sick on my trainers,
I only got these yesterday.
Oh, my gosh, I cannot be bothered with this.
Well, I’ll leave you there ’til the mornin’,
And I purposely won't turn the heating on.
And dear God, I hope I’m not stuck with this one.
My fingertips are holding onto the cracks in our foundation,
And I know that I should let go,
But I can’t.
And every time we fight I know it’s not right.
Every time that you’re upset and I smile,
I know I should forget, but I can’t.
dododo..
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11:26 pm
I hate that people call it Chi-town.
And Cali.
Oh man.
Better not get started.
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09:52 pm - Gold digger. Who says you can't have it all?
So I look at various public documents all day five days a week.
Sometimes they are odd and really make you wonder about some people.
Today I wondered about the newly married Mormon couple (well, two years ago).
Not a traditional marriage license, no. A contract signed by both parties. After reading it, I was half disappointed to not see The Big Man's signature somewhere amidst theirs.
I mean, it wasn't even a contract about loving one another until death do they part. It was a contract that made it sound as though they'd be sentenced to life in prison should they step outside the bounds of the Book of Mormon.
My eyes are wide right now.
Some religions just really..bufuddle me.
I get signing a prenup, I think it's wise. I get signing government created documents stating you're legally tied to one another.
But this was a somehow twisted contract.
I should've photocopied it to type up here.
I'm sure most of you aren't surprised at all.
I'm telling you though. Them Mormons are freakishly nice cult members. (Of course you should take some of what I say with a grain of salt.)
Oh well.
As long as they're happy. And aren't lynched for saying "goddamnit!" in the heat of a shitfuck moment.
Which..why is taking the Lord's name in vain such a big deal? Saying "gosh darnit!" means the same damn thing and isn't nearly as satisfying.
People are so fucking stupid. (Myself included, yes, yes.)
Current Music: Supreme Beings of Leisure
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January 2nd, 2009
11:53 pm - This post is not positive.
Note to self: Do NOT eat the majority of a bag of peanut butter M&Ms in one night.
I will not be going to bed until I no longer feel as though I've consumed an entire ostrich farm.
It's 2009. Oooh la la.
As I mentioned a few days ago, I pretty much am only hoping this year brings about some insanely awesome positive changes for my family. Awesome, positive changes that are immediately recognizable as awesome and positive. Guessing games make me sick to my stomach, and I'm already feeling sick 90% of the time.
People make lists at the end of the year. They reflect. They make resolutions.
I'll never really understand why.
I wouldn't really know what to put on a list for Best of 2008. Or even Worst of...
I can tell you the things I am continually appreciative of.
Danny. My family. My other close friends. My cats, because they keep me company a great deal. My home. My bed. My vehicle. All of the necessities. My job with KC.
And I guess I can honestly say the most icky parts of the year were receiving affirmation that I could very well lose my eyesight in the who knows how distant future, and the way the economy continued down..down..down its path to crapiness.
But no movies are coming to mind, and no music. Not anything remotely light hearted.
Midnight on the first found me at a friend's house, feeling teary and wishing to just be the hell at home. Thankful my sister came with me to keep me company, even though she was even more miserable than I was.
The same friend who a few weeks ago upset me by, essentially, trivializing a relationship that is more important to me than I think anyone (save one) knows or has ever been able to wrap their mind around.
A part of me is clearly still bothered by the incident.
In addition to regretting going to her house, I found myself officially fed up with attempting conversation with strangers. Not so fed up I will cease all communication with the unknown, I don't have what it takes to be cold and unfriendly. But fed up enough that if after two questions they haven't offered some amount of information/a question to work from, I will walk away. Because the vacancy or just plain rudeness makes me want to fucking pull my hair out.
Oh, and I found that last nail to the Future Children coffin and a hammer FIRMLY in my hand.
Perhaps ten years from now I might be convinced otherwise, but for the time being I am 100% not interested in having kids.
Anyway.
I'm glad 2008 is over. And I truly do have hope for 2009.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/elizabethia/gothicsally/tired.gif) exhausted
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December 26th, 2008
03:23 pm - My wish?
For 2009 to be an awesome year for my family.
Current Mood: Still cold.
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December 25th, 2008
03:32 am
So it's Christmas.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/elizabethia/gothicsally/cold.gif) cold
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December 11th, 2008
07:13 pm - Uno Updato
So we got Texas. Hallefreakinlujah.
Now I am HOPING they need a tagger and will hire ma soeur.
Pringles are way too good.
I'm very tired at the moment.
There's a winter storm warning for the area in effect from tomorrow morning through Saturday morning.
There was to be a "girly night" at Theresa's Saturday, but we'll see. I probably won't want to go out on the highway if it's still stormy.
I may see about going in to work extra early tomorrow. I say extra early but really I just mean another fifteen minutes early. Then I could be out of there by a quarter after two, but we'll see. I may get bitched at for going in earlier than six. Who really knows.
Perhaps this makes me strange..or cynical..or SOMETHING, but it seems REALLY STRANGE AND ALMOST CREEPY to me when people get married right after high school and to someone they didn't even know during high school.
Usually someone of the same faith.
From the same or a "sister" church. (You know what I mean.)
They're ARRANGED. I just KNOW IT.
Okay. I got distracted and am not spent.
See ya.
PS Fair has a monk robe. And it looks SO comfy. I want.
Current Music: Man of Action - Matthew Good Band
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December 6th, 2008
11:54 pm - PS (unrelated)
It's pretty bad when not even a full minute into a song and you're ready to poke your eyes out.
I cannot, however, divulge the song I am speaking of.
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