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November 26th, 2010
06:12 pm - Fiiiiiive golden riiiiiiiings!
Encrusted in so many carats of diamonds that I can turn around and sell them for umpteen thousands of dollars, please. Thanks.
I have little to nothing to say. Everything is the same.
Mundane, repetitive life.
The same routine, the same stresses. No end or reprieve in sight. Ever, really. And that's just the way it goes.
So. Same old generally discontent me. This is not to be construed with a lack of being thankful for the things my family has, and for said family and friends.
What to change though when it is pretty clear that change is not an option. The current circumstances feel like wet concrete quickly setting up around me.
I just had some leftovers from last night. Nuked, because I also have a general disrespect for food. I would take a pill in lieu of if I could.
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May 2nd, 2010
11:32 am - Blogspit
Okay friends:
otioselyyours.blogspot.com
I just wanted a change.
At first I deleted this, then realized I cannot follow my four lovely ladies if I do! So, this will remain active. :)
Knowing me, I'll come back at some point, hehe...
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April 22nd, 2010
08:52 pm - I glare at small children.
It's true. Unless they're being blatantly adorable, that is.
So there may not actually be a glare on my face, but it certainly feels that way. They often just stare at me and I stare right back. No smile. No twinkle in the eye. Nothin'. I become immediately Aspergers...only...you know...Now with Eye Contact!
But when they're fussing about absolutely diddly fucking squat I INTENTIONALLY glare at them. I glare hard. Focusing my energy on trying to telepathically get them to shut the motherfuck up.
They usually do...at least until I am out of sight.
I don't know how parents find the patience required to be strapped to such a being for so many years. I understand even less how they can do it with more than ONE.
I should've had Dr. Bullis tie my tubes while he was in there.
.
Current Mood:  cold
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March 19th, 2010
05:16 am
There are things to mention, but honestly, I just don't have the oomph required to write them out.
Not even in an email to that one guy. ;)
LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZE HAS TAKEN OVER.
At least for the time being.
My incision is officially one long ugly marring zipper up my ugly stupid retard white as paper abdomen.
I feel a bit uglier than before, but it honestly isn't as bad as it could have been.
Truly I am thankful beyond comprehension that 1) I have insurance to cover the surgery ($12k for two nights in a room? Obama, you're a fucking fool if you think you can fix the health care woes of this country. But let's not go there right now...) and 2) I am now rid of something so truly hideous.
Work has required the Back Plant department to take unpaid time off. They're only asking two days of everyone. Two clients haven't paid their bill...or so they say.
Guess I was switched to Go Forward just in the nick of time.
Maybe they should be really considering where all of their money is going. They are paying $36 an hour toward three people doing one person's job.
Part of me hates saying that because I am a compassionate human being who would hate for anyone to be laid of in this climate, but...it is because of this climate that they are currently a drain on the company's resources.
It all stresses me out.
I probably care too much, but you know what? That's just who I am and, barring possession by a dead catty bitch, it isn't likely to change.
Thank God Jason has an immense amount of faith in my abilities because I guarantee this first week in Go Forward I'VE been a drain on the department's funds. Yeah, yeah, I'm learning, but dammit, I WANT TO LEARN FASTER. haha.
The problem actually lies in the fact that I'm now sharing an office with two other women who enjoy chatting and telling pointless little stories as much as I do. We desperately need to shut up. Of course I snuck into conversation with Erin (department head) that we're getting to know one another. She is even more talkative than me and actually believes in building strong morale within her department.
I feel manipulative.
And now I must shower.
I didn't wear green on the 17th. It hadn't even dawned on me that it was St. Patrick's Day.
I love that everyone I work with pointedly despises the Catholic religion but was alllllll about wearing green and pinching those who weren't.
Anyway. I will be wearing green today. And I will look beautiful. Right?
Wrong.
But whatever.
HAVE A LOVELY WEEKEND.
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January 24th, 2010
01:17 am - WORK STINKS! YEAH, YEAH! (Work stiiiinks.)
Actually, it'd be fine if people weren't so damn nosy/immature.
Will I ever work for individuals I can actually respect?
I honestly don't feel like getting into it, but the management sucks right now.
And straight hair Becca is, essentially, a two-faced bitch I no longer care to deal with.
Of course I will because I need the income and I cannot think of a better option.
So.
Yep.
That's what's new. Perhaps I'll post details later. Perhaps not.
The past two weeks have majorly sucked.
Adios, friends.
Current Mood:  discontent
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January 2nd, 2010
04:25 pm - The Obligatory New Year Post
Regardless of whether or not this is usual practice for me, here it is.
2009...
I've made failed attempts to conjure up the perfect word to describe it.
It was stressful- Even if not for me directly and personally (until the end), it was impossible to ignore the struggle going on everywhere you turn. Watching businesses close. Seeing first hand how incredibly picky employers become given a massive pool from which to choose new employees. Just knowing all financial assistance programs (food stamps, energy assistance, etc.) endured even more strain than before. Danny's family plagued by life-threatening events.
It culminated into this undeniable feeling that 2009 desperately needed to come to an end. As soon as absolutely possible.
So why doesn't, "stressful," do the job?
Because there were some very remarkable positives in my life.
Though appointed at the tail end of 2008, my mom began working as an instructor at the college. Winter '09 she was appointed one course, Spring '09 two, she has one lined up for Summer '10 and another two for Fall '10. (Hopefully I didn't just jinx anything! This paranoia of jinxing is a topic in and of itself.) I'm honestly not sure how many of you are keenly aware of how momentous of an even this is, but just..trust me. It feels like a miracle. Every term she is on the schedule, it feels like a miracle. And honestly, I still get a bit emotional about it. My mom deserves her job and the satisfaction it brings her.
Still on the topic of work, back in February, though I had to say something in an upset enough manner to the right person, I got the raise I truly did deserve. I'd been working for months at a lower wage than a co-worker who started a mere month prior to me, and producing the same quality of work while displaying an even firmer grasp on the process as a whole. And then at the tail end of March/April (can't recall) I was selected as part of a three person team to work on a new project, one that promised to broaden my experience and knowledge within the company. It did this to an extent, though not quite as much as I had hoped. (Mostly due to the unwillingness of the project manager to delegate and educate- Possibly out of insecurity?)
In late Spring we finally got our boat sold, for pretty much the dollar amount I had predicted. When I say I just know something, people really should believe me. In this case my dad was forced to reckon with precisely that. This was a monumental weight off our shoulders. (Though obviously not a permanent solution to certain issues.)
In the Summer certain entities 'over the hill' owed monies on The Project (which was sold as part of a package to an investment company back East) motioned for a Sheriff's Sale on the property, claiming first position. This opened the door for my dad and his partners to make it even more firmly recorded that, WE, in fact, hold first position. As far as I know it is actually not yet settled. We are hoping when all is said and done the investment company will come out of the shadows and offer full settlement. They stand to make more money in the long-run if they do, even after factoring in interest on said monies owed.
Then there was Fall and Winter...nothing of note taking place as well as I can recall.
We celebrated Christmas on New Year's Eve, which I believe may be the start of a new tradition. Sometimes I really love having such a small family. Very little co-ordination is required, and quite frankly, it is nice to spoil the hell out of one another.
I really dropped the ball in regard to my friends this Christmas. I still haven't purchased gifts for some, and the couple of gifts I do have for others I have yet to wrap and give.
So, you see why one word likely just won't cut it- Though I'm afraid the positives do not quite balance out all of the negative, leaving me ever thankful the year has come to an end, and hopeful 2010 will bring many more positive changes all-around.
Current Mood:  hopeful
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December 28th, 2009
03:45 am - Do I EVER have anything to report?
So...Two deadlines this week.
Deadline #1 will not make it, unless blessed with some kind of indexing-at-Johnny 5-speed miracle.
The other (Deadline #2)...THE OTHER has POTENTIAL. IIIIIF the bossman will allow me spend the nine promised hours of overtime in this county rather than the pretty much doomed county.
I may or may not take Thursday off. I was dead set on it as of Saturday evening but a long rant session in the living room, both parents and Fair my audience, has me pretty much telling myself that I really shouldn't.
I'm a little pissed that I gave up my Christmas Eve in what turned out to be a VAIN attempt to help Deadline #1. 250 documents completed in eight hours if fucking PATHETIC. I even wrote that on my productivity report. Though I did refrain from using the f-word.
One of my friends didn't know the definition of, "bequeath." I found this odd and, however unintentional, probably made her feel a little stupid. Whoops. Reminds me of the Lia incident with the word, "phallic." Granted that was much more entertaining.
I'm a firm believer in using context to help deduce the meaning of any given word..unfortunately..well, you know. I'll just stop.
SO.
Work has me a bit OOOOG. Also angry.
Dear Powers That Be,
Please allow me to possess the bodies and minds of those running this company for twenty minutes. I just need twenty minutes to make some positive changes. Twenty minutes to help them MAKE MORE MONEY and BUILD THEIR REPUTATION.
Sincerely frustrated (but still loving my job),
Stephanie
On the health front. Doing well aside from the following hang-up that has me bordering on HOT FRUSTRATION:
I am retaining water like a freaking ShamWow on steroids.
11 pounds of water weight over the course of three weeks. ELEVEN POUNDS. EEEEELEVVVVAAAAANNNNNUH. (My eyes are all wide.)
It's ridiculous and uncomfortable and irritating and I just don't know what to do!
I cut my sodium intake (which wasn't even high AT ALL to begin with), and I've added some G2 into the mix. That seems to have helped some. Laying around a bit more has also helped.
At the moment I feel like I need some kind of machine hooked up to me providing a constant intake of water. I'm talkin' 24 hours of continual water consumption. I cannot possibly drink more water than I have been!
SO. I will talk to someone today and see what's up. My thyroid medication is sodium based or something like that and apparently plenty of individuals experience this problem while taking it. Well fuck that noise, I will ask for the pig variety. I don't give half a shit about being kosher. GIVE ME THE PIG.
Then again...I've been taking it for six or seven weeks now- Wouldn't the problem have shown up more in the realm of five weeks ago? Perhaps it takes a build-up.
Perhaps it's something else entirely. Perhaps I'm experiencing heart-failure at 26. Let's hope not.
ANYWAY.
That it has gone down some (or so it seems) over the course of this weekend is promising. I am feeling a little better.
But I have this nagging suspicion by 5 PM today it will have crept right back up there...
:(
So..yep.
Now for the topic of Christmas.
This year was strange. I was so busy between work and that party I threw last weekend that I pretty much got zero rest until...yesterday (Sunday the 27th). (This was 99% my fault, I am not looking for sympathy.) We didn't finish wrapping presents until the 26th. Both trees were put up rather quickly and I hung a sum of..perhaps six ornaments. Everyone (and I mean everyone) at work was stressed last week. They got all Hotel California about the company holiday potluck (You can checkout any time you like, but you can never leave! is obviously the only applicable lyric) - which..something that is supposed to be FUN shouldn't be shoved down your throat.
Anyway.
Worked Christmas Eve, as I stupidly promised. Did nine hours of overtime in, essentially, two days..again, as I stupidly promised (see, 99% my fault).
So it was just odd. Saturday we all opened one present..Sunday the same, and I think we're holding off on the rest until this coming weekend.
I got some really pretty super long gold chain earrings and Ninjabread Man for the Wii. haha... I love silly games, so hopefully this will be easy enough for my lame-ass to play successfully. Fair also downloaded this bejeweled like game on my laptop. Very sweet of her considering she's aware I will likely while away many hours playing it.
Yep.
Okay, I'm sick of rambling.
Ayedeeos.
Current Mood:  drained
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November 18th, 2009
04:15 am - Insomniac
I cannot sleep for more than 3-5 hours a night.
I want to smash something.
SO FRUSTRATED.
And I have to do all kinds of overtime, but by the time 2:30 PM rolls around I am so fucking tired I can barely see straight.
I could cry right now. Seriously.
I almost WANT to get sick so I will HAVE to stay home and maybe, just maybe, get some rest.
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November 15th, 2009
03:40 pm - Lucy in the skyyyyyy with diamonds.
Hokay, so, here's Stephanie room, she's chillin'. That is a pretty great room you might say, RIIIIIIIGHT.
I love my room. The wallpaper. The white walls. The details on the doors. The arrangement of furniture. It's fantastic, as I've said a hundred times at this point.
I will take photos one of these days. When I locate my camera. It's in here somewhere.
The snow has arrived. Not very excited. According to the 10 forecast it's going to be a wet, possibly snowy next couple of weeks. Massive boo to that.
I'm taking one of my office mates to the airport on Wednesday after work so she can fly down to Boise and see her husband graduate Post. He's a jail deputy, I guess. I can never remember what the official title is. Once he passes Post he signs his three year contract with the county. I'm pretty sure she is very pleased and proud of him. She is very big on stability. She has known little else. This isn't a bad thing! I'm just saying. She's that kind of person. She had to talk him into even applying for the job, and it was a very long wait, but so far so good, and he appears to like it quite a lot. Also his aptitude for computers is proving beneficial and could help him move up quickly should an opportunity arise. As odd as this sounds, I am actually excited for them.
They want to start having kids soon as well. By soon, I mean immediately. She will be a good mom, though perhaps the kind who is a little irritating from time to time in regard to grades and extra curricular activities.
I've been wondering what it might mean if she gets pregnant within the year (2010) and then quits...who might move into the office with me and office mate #2? I would hope Maria. She is lovely, doesn't smoke and is quiet. She's very sincere and sweet. She was the only one among those laid off last year that was asked back. But Office Mate #2 is a bit odd..it's kind of hard to become a part of her 'inner circle'...I feel...almost like I somehow talked/manipulated my way in. I don't know how to explain it. But..I am pretty good at keying off people and connecting, garnering their trust. It almost feels evil sometimes. Please don't judge me. It's not like I LIE. And it's not like we aren't legitimate friends. I just..I don't know. It is sounding twisted, so I am going to stop.
I should've studied psychology. BUT THEN MAYBE IT WOULD BE WORSE.
People are just so fascinating! The more quiet/reserved the individual, the harder I work to get to know them.
I also love the Luann's of this world who are just like...here is every last detail about my life whether you wanted it or not! They are great too!
Yep. I'm a weirdo.
Better set up shop as a listener. Apparently there is a company offering this service in the Midwest or East, I can't remember.
Soooo....anyway.
Deadline is approaching. Might not make it, but I hope to see to it that we do. I do NOT want to be responsible for not making the deadline! I don't want someone else's poor delegation/management skills reflecting negatively on me, so I shall endeavor to overcome the current setback. Said setback being a batch of documents from 1870-1915. Delegated to me rather than being added to the considerably smaller batch assigned to Office Mate #1 (#2 being the project manager) and then split between the four of us on the team. Had that been done they would be fully indexed by now! Instead I still have over 500 to do. It will very likely take me all week, unless a certain person decides to man the fuck up and take on a little of the responsibility herself.
Yes. I am nearing EXPLODE mode.
I wish I could explain the whys behind the level of frustration and the slowness of completing them, but you'd really have to be in the thick of it to understand (at least the slow part).
Sigh.
Need to quit thinking about it.
Aside from work, there isn't a whole lot going on.
My thyroid is hopefully on its way to being regulated. I went to a women's clinic in Spokane and the receptionist, medical assistant and nurse all couldn't believe my previous doctor's behavior in regard to my blood results. She prescribed a low dose of the thyroid hormone, and I'll have another TSH/T3/T4/Metabolic panel done in 6-8 weeks to see if it needs to be adjusted further. She suspects it does. The ideal range for my body is between 0.75 and 2, I guess and mine is 5.53 at the moment. (The higher the number, once above 4, the less your thyroid is producing.) Again, if I am repeating myself, sorry!
Oooh, apparently there might be a way to get web access on my cell phone and Fair's by changing our phone plan. I love and hate when cell phone companies do this, but at least they make it easy to make changes. They want your money.
Not that it really matters if we have web access on our phones or not, but it'd still be nice.
WELL.
I guess I might go do something productive. Maybe.
...Maybe.
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October 25th, 2009
10:52 pm - Sounds significantly more self-loathing than intended.
Though completely tired, I cannot sleep at the moment. Pardon the negativity. Know I do not currently FEEL negative.
I lead a very mediocre life.
I connect the most with personal..lifey..things. (How intelligent do I sound right now? Guess it suits.) Meaning when it comes to politics...literature...art...theory of any kind...I'm pretty much fucking retarded.
Some might think I'm not giving myself enough credit. Perhaps this is true on some level. Mostly in that if I chose to educate myself more thoroughly in any given field, I could probably sit and yammer on just as intelligently as any other equally educated individual. I do possess the ability to think critically. I do not, however, possess the drive to get from here to there.
SO here I exist with very little to say.
Yes, I have opinions. Opinions most often formed by tuning in as best as I can to my intuition. This makes it difficult for me to argue any given stance I take. And THAT is part of why I tend to avoid many subjects of conversation. Though highly interested in others' opinions, I know a conversation can remain one-sided for only so long.
Unfortunately for me, the people I am most often drawn to are educated, interesting and genuinely intellectual. Said individuals most likely find me rather ignorant and dull.
Anyway.
Other:
-Work is fine. The deadline is quickly approaching. I have been doing an increasing amount of overtime. I will endeavor to really kick this into high gear over the next week.
-Sleeping has become difficult. Perhaps I am feeling stressed or overwhelmed. I am not sure.
-The weather is turning. I do not look forward to dealing with the snow.
-My health is strange. Far from sorted out.
-The house feels unsettled.
I suddenly feel extremely irritated by the fact that five in the morning is approaching at lightning speed. I got maybe ten hours of sleep this entire weekend.
Please Mr. Sandman, I'm on my hands and knees.
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